She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
