needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
