Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
