There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
