I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
