The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
