and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
