i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
