she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
