i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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