I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The power of my boobs compel you
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
