I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
