Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
