You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
