I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
