I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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