Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
