My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
