He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
