Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
