Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
