Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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