that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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