We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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