god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
