He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
