Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
