We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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