WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
