I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
