look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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