At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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