would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
sarcasm needs its own font
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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