do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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