ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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