I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
