I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
