If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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