So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
