my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
