Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
