I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize