I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
