Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
