every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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