my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
