i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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