remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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