I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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