Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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