Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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